I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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