I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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