I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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