He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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