she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
