So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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