I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
