my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize