I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
