Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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