did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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