They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
