It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
