He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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