We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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