I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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