So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
