I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
