They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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