I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
