For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
