guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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