I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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