CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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