he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
I love you. Go after that dick
No he doesnât answer my texts except for like on New Yearâs Because like I was fucked up on New Yearâs and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you canât really recover from that
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