Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
