I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
