I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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