I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
