two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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