HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When are your genitals available?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
