Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize