I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
