I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were trust falling into bushes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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