Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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