my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
