I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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