i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
