Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
