he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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