new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize