I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
