I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize