My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
