I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
