grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
