I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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