maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
