I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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