I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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