We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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