I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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