He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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