Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize