i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
