So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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