T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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