I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
