Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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