Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
