I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
