3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
