I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
