Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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