I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
