so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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