It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
