i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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