In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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